"I think you're being a little too dramatic"...Those are the words that came from a physician's mouth straight to my fragile ears. Straight to my broken heart that I had been diligently seeking God and begging Him to heal. Being too much and a little too dramatic have been words that have kept me from fully becoming the woman God has created me to be. There isn't a time in my life I can recall when someone wasn't telling me this at least once a week. That is not an exaggerated statement. So, exhausted and in physical pain that day, I was requesting a different strategy for my health care that would also benefit my mental and emotional health. I live with a painful chronic disease, Psoriatic Arthritis (PsA), that is the proper name. I have given it many other names that involve words that would need to be BLEEPED out. Because of the nature of my disease, I am supposed to have a Dermatologist and a Rheumatologist. Because of the shot I take to manage my disease, I have to have blood work every three months. As a single and working momma, all I wanted was fewer doctor visits. As a healthcare provider, I knew my request was possible.
This particular doctor was the one managing the toxic shot I have to give myself every three months. At first, I liked her, but the moment I began to question anything she suggested and was an advocate for my health, she would become defensive. Wanna guess which specialist she was? Yep, the Dermatologist and the exam room was full of advertisements about reducing superficial problems like wrinkles. I had stared at them a few times while waiting for her during my appointments. And I stared at them with disgust. If you do use these services, I am not judging. I do enjoy my overly priced skincare products. My body just needs healing at a deeper level that targets my joints and bones.
So, when she looked at me and said, "I think you're being a little too dramatic." I was done. I have enough people in my life that use their words in harmful ways to take jabs at my heart or attempt to control me. I did not need it from someone who was supposed to be part of the healing process.
Why am I sharing this story? Because as I picked up my purse and walked out of that exam room the moment those insensitive words left that physician's non-empathic mouth, God used it to show me the progress He had been making in my heart.
I had the courage to walk out, the courage I may not have had a few years ago. I had confidence that day to recognize I wouldn't be someone's doormat. Yes, even with that courage and confidence, I cried as I drove back to my office, but I was not afraid about what my co-workers would think of the alligator tears that were falling from my eyes. My co-workers are part of why I have made my way this far in my healing journey. They have embraced all of me; the anxiety, the chronic disease, and the emotions and passion drive everything I do. They embrace what some call "being too dramatic" and use it to encourage me to walk in the calling God has given me. God has used their love to help me to learn to love myself and to fight for myself!
I want this for you too beautiful! Whatever word that has been used to try to tear you down. Use it to look for your strengths. Am I a little too dramatic? No, I am actually a lot dramatic. But It is my "being a little too dramatic" that drives me to get up even on days I don't want to because of PsA, or when my depression and anxiety are taking every ounce of energy I have left. This passion, which some call dramatic, pushes me to be a voice for the voiceless. It is the drive God has given me to always stay in the righteous fight for the oppressed and hurting.
Don't let a superficial opinion keep you from walking in your God-given gifts. Shake off the painful words, grab your purse, and walk out that door. Love the woman God created you to be. Shine your light bright, beautiful, because your corner of the world needs you to be fully you!
