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Her too...

"What about daughters of God?" Lillian whispered as she leaned towards me during the Sunday morning service at church. The preacher was in John 12 and repeated the term sons of God a few times. "While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light." John 12:36 He did use 'daughters' later when he was wrapping up the sermon for that morning in his defense. I gave her a fist bump and whispered back, "that's a great question. We'll discuss it after church." She is eight, and in the same moment, the Holy Spirit also whispered into my soul, "Her too." I could barely contain my tears. I have been praying very specific prayers for direction in a new God-given journey that I am on. This was the heaviest confirmation of all. My daughter, her too, I knew it before this moment, but I had not let the weight of that truth sink into my soul until this day. She is eight years old, and I knew I had a crucial task that day and every day for the rest of her life. I knew I had to make sure she would always question the narrative and not allow anyone to silence her!

I have been fighting my way above the drowning waves of this hell on earth I find myself in. I have been fighting my way to the top for just one grasp of refreshing air. I have been fighting to find and use my voice again, not only for others but also for myself. Others include my sassy, unique, beautiful girl, her too...

I have been embracing God's call to step out and help other women find their voice in their own hell. Her too, my baby girl, I knew this, but I had not comprehended it. I didn't want to face the weight of that responsibility. Because I have been and will continue to be one of the culprits of the hell she faces on earth. In her short life, she has never witnessed her momma as a whole woman emotionally or physically. She has witnessed the fights and the divorce that followed them. She has seen my tears and the days I can't get out of bed. She navigates the harsh reality that she spends one week with momma and one week with daddy.


Both of my wild ones do, but it affects them differently. Lillian still draws pictures of all four of us. Her last picture was all of us wearing our superhero capes on a page that asked, "What would your dream home look like?" She drew it on a Sunday during church in the same spot where she would ask weeks later, "What about daughters of God?" She has always asked the hard questions, "why can't mommy and daddy live in the same house?" Her brother, a tad bit older when everything fell apart, knew early on that two happy homes are better than one toxic home. He has always been an old soul. His hard questions come in a different form, and those stories are for another time.


Today, I want to highlight that in all of my mess, I am teaching her courage. I am confident that I am teaching her brother courage also, in hopes he will be the man that is stronger than the idea of treating women less than. I pray that I am teaching my daughter not to put up with crap, to stand unwavering, and to be confident in the woman God has created her to be.


I am reminded of the quote from Cinderella, "Have courage and be kind." I tell my wild ones often to be kind and make Godly choices. It takes courage to do those things.

I pray all of this for you too, beautiful. I pray you lean into God's strength and find the courage to use your voice He has given you to speak up for yourself and others! So, take a deep breath of grace and walk worthy of the calling you have been called!


With Love,

Lulu





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